Who Brought Spanking to the Relationship? Round Table

This week's Round Table discussion asks the question 'who brought spanking into the relationship.' I've blogged about this a couple of times but I feel like every time I do, there's something new to share.

For us, it was me that brought spanking to our relationship. It took me fifteen years but I did it! I turned 100,000 shades of red when I said the word, but I did it and my husband was open to it. Even though it was not something he was drawn to himself, if it would turn me on, he was game to try it. Kind of typical for a man, right? ;)

So we tried it. The first time was awkward. We felt silly and had to have a drink, then another. I felt embarrassed and I think he did too which is totally natural if you've been together forever without any sort of power exchange at all in your relationship. Wait, I want to add something now that I've said that. My husband is naturally the leader in our family. I like it that way, I always have. When it comes down to final decisions, he will make them and I'm good with that. I trust him completely and it's really nice to have someone to lean on.

OK, back to spanking. So we started to add spanking sessions into our lives sporadically at first. He was very nervous about the kids walking in on us. I wasn't - I know how my kids sleep once they're down for the night. It was just the getting them down that was tough. And by the time we could safely do this, we were both tired.

So, given the circumstances and where he was coming from and where I was coming from, things did not go as smoothly as I'd imagined and my feelings  over this surprised me. I found myself to be less and less tolerant as I became more and more disappointed. It came to a point where I told him the disappointment was more damaging to our relationship than not spanking at all.

If you're reading this, you're likely drawn to this so you know when I say spanking, I don't mean just the physical act of spanking. Well, as a non-Spanko, my husband didn't understand a lot of this and didn't understand that this wasn't just foreplay for me. That made me angry. It had taken me so long to come out and I had expected he would just slip into the role of Dominant but it didn't go that way.

I talked to friends, so many friends, who tried to help, tried to advise. One thing I kept hearing was that we were so new and I had to be patient. I got that in a way, but there's a part of me that is also just impatient. I know no one understands that, right??  Well, I figured I'd been wanting this for so long and finally had the courage to ask for it and he should get it!

Well, we've talked and talked and talked. We've had some help from good friends and I wish I could tell you what it was that made the difference to him, but something clicked. He got something. The last time he spanked me, I had to turn around after twenty to see if he was using his belt! Twenty!! All this time I thought I had buns of steel… Well, it was probably the best spanking yet (and the worst in the moment).

I want to understand what it is that makes us go back for more - but that's another discussion. Anyhow, I realize we are still so very new at this but I'm so happy that he's taken on his role so much more fully now. We have appointments once a week to talk (Wednesday nights) and once a week to play although the latter is elusive as anyone with small children who are old enough to understand knows. I'm happy with where we are though and feel so close to him, it's amazing. It's like a brand new relationship and I'm looking forward to more.

We have quite a few participants this week so please click through to check out the other links. We'll be doing these discussions once every three weeks or so so make sure to check back and if a topic appeals to you, join in. We'd love to hear from you!

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Submission in Real Life - Round Table Discussion

If you read last week's Round Table post, you have a brief introduction to me. That or you've already heard way more than you ever wanted to know anyway so on to today's post which is - in one word - submission. There are quite a few of us participating today so make sure to visit the Spanking Romance Review site to check out the rest of the posts.

Let me first define submission. Dictionary says -  the action or fact of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another person.

Personally, I would define it as a gift of surrender. In my mind, this is not a 24/7 thing. This is a gift given over a certain period of time where there is an exchange of power, I relinquish mine over to him. It is a gift given, never taken, never asked for. It is simply given.

I've learned something in the past weeks. I've learned I'm much more traditional than I thought in that I am only able to give this gift to my husband. That's a whole other topic and it's not really important for this discussion so I'll leave it for now, but that was a huge learning for me.

In reality, this area is new for me. I'm in a whole new place with no reference points where we're learning as we go. One thing I've learned is that in reality, submission is not as perfect or easy as in fiction. Yes, I knew that but I now really know that. And to be very honest, in reality, the act of submitting or surrendering is very difficult for me. In my mind, in my fantasies, I submit. It's easy. It's sexy, it's my whole being. But in reality, I fight it even as I long for it - long to just do it, to give it, to let go and give it.

I'm sitting here writing this and have been trying to write this post in the past days, but it's a much more difficult post to write than I thought it would be. Partly I think it's because it is a personal post - and how much do I want to share? How much can I give away of myself?

I think I'm going to do this the only way I know how - through my writing - in a sort of poem or offering. Here it is - the ideal submission in my mind:

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I stand naked before him while he is fully clothed.
He tells me to kneel with my hips resting on my heels, knees wide.
He stands behind me, walks to the side of me, watches me as I look straight ahead at nothing.
He tells me to rest my forehead on the ground. I lean forward to do that. At his direction, I extend my arms forward, my forehead touching the cool, hard wood.

I'm to remain as I am.
He is somewhere behind me. I feel exposed.
 He does not touch me and I do not move. I close my eyes, then I open them.
Vulnerability flows through me. Resistance wants me to straighten but it's not as strong as my  desire to submit.

I remain as I am for I don't know how long. As long as he wants me to be.
When he tells me I may straighten, I may stand, I may come kneel beside him, rest my head on his thigh as he caresses my hair, I feel soft. I feel my eyes are reddened, not from tears but from my submission. He does not speak to me and I rest against him, close to him and for the first time, I am submissive.

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